Making My Rainbow

This post has been brewing in my mind since last Saturday.

I guess you could say I had a real test of my faith and strength. I don't know I had this much strength but I have to thank past experiences for getting me here to this very moment.

and gosh... I'd be a real jerk if I didn't thank my friends and family for picking me up when I couldn't stand, for wiping away my tears because at times I was just too weak to lift my hand and wipe them off my cheek myself. What would I ever do without a mom? Can't thank her enough for the early morning phone calls, and holding my hand in car rides as the tears fell from underneath my heart shaped sunglasses. She always reminds me that crying is okay and it is NOT a sign of weakness. It is a sign of compassion, love, and care. I'm still trying to remind myself that... 22 years later. At times I wonder why I'm the older sister to Stac. She is so incredibly wise beyond her years and never failed to send me a quote from her very own noodle every time I sent her a text from the closet at my work.

Then the next day I got sweet phone calls like this one after a day of work that I thought I would NEVER get through... but I did, and I am proud.

Prayer. You guys... If life gets too hard to stand, kneel. Talk to the person who has been through every ache in your heart because he knows, and he knows what he is doing by giving you that trial.

and I think... actually I KNOW I'd be an even bigger jerk if I didn't thank the person who hurt me. You taught me what not to do next time, and you taught me how to be even more compassionate and loving than I ever have been in my life. You taught me that lying to someone you 'care about' will only leave you with nothing but sitting in a room alone, dealing with your pride. I'm not sorry. I hope it teaches you something. I opened my heart to you, and its a shame you threw it away... but at least I can pick it up and give it to someone else.

Someone who won't take it for granted.

Someone who will be 110% honest with me.

Someone who isn't afraid to be anything but themselves.

Who would I be if I didn't thank, Taylor. Don't even worry all her CD's have been on repeat for 8 days.

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me
I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

And he's long gone when he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now.

In the end... I remember it all too well. I'm grateful I do because then I can share it on here with the world. The last thing that I have learned... NEVER ever, and I mean ever, blame love. You can either take the responsibility for your agency and actions, or understand that the person who you thought was your missing puzzle piece just belonged in a completely different puzzle.

xoxoxo.-lots of love from me to you.