Something I had to do.

Have you ever wanted to apologize for something you did years ago… but like, its been so long that you don't want those feelings to resurface and maybe that other person has forgiven you for an unspoken apology? But you realize that its not fair to them, and the only way to go on is to voice why your actions were so negative and heart broken? Or maybe your heart is just so heavy that you can't even fathom going another day without showing your gratitude?

That's me lately.

I'm talking… like years ago when I was 8 all the way up through high school. This might be cowardess of me.. (is that a word?) but I came up with this amazing idea. The idea that writing is usually my only outlet for my feelings, so why not write these people a letter? Then they can have the option to shred it and still hate me for life, or keep it and accept the kind person I have become. Let's all pray that its the second option. Now every letter is not an apology… but a few will be because I just can't move on with my life knowing that I have done someone wrong. This is a 'New Years Resolution' of sorts… -I'm not all about new years resolutions because I believe in making tiny goals daily; I tend to accomplish them and feel like they have turned into one big goal, and I feel better about myself. -That is a personal opinion, so please don't be offended, I will be your biggest cheerleader if you love those big resolutions.- 

Kinda being a hypocrite… but oh well. sue me. 

So, the other half of my idea, was to put part of those letters I have written on here. Names and ALL. Then when they receive their letter, they can feel even more special! 

*crosses fingers… praying this works.*

Here we go. (In no special order.)

Hey Mama-

Remember that day when we were re-doing our computer room, putting carpet in? We had to take all the vents off, and then suddenly… all of my fluoride poured out of one of them? -I'm talkin' bottles of it. Yeah anyways… I'm sorry I never ate my fluoride. For the record, I can't complain about my pearly whites. They turned out pretty decent. Aside from my disobeying, you've taught me how to be strong, sensitive, hard working, compassionate, charitable, and christlike. Thank you for giving me life, and for all your sound advice. It's never failed me. I trust your every word, and love you dearly.

Love, Reebs.

Dear Mr. Awesome,

Who else would I be talking to besides my wonderful Father? Thank you for your positive attitude in life. Life sure has gotten you down throughout the years, but you seem to know just exactly how to pull yourself back up without the help of others. I admire your strength and love for anyone who has struggled, you're the first to be called because you always have the best words of comfort. I'm sorry I stopped hugging you before I left for my day of school/ work. -No worries because that's going to be starting as of today. You are SO loved, and never alone.

Love, your hawaiian.

My Bean-

I recall a time when I was struggling with my self esteem, my confidence, my outer appearance… you were trying to console me and I lost my patience with you and became very short with responses. I want you to know I am sorry and that was never my intentions. Beauty truly lies within the soul, and my soul was very ugly towards you that day… which makes me ashamed. Thank you for trying to lift me when I was at my lowest point. Thank you for your kind words and acknowledging my feelings. I have set a goal to make it a point to see how you are daily, because it is important to me. I love you and I'm incredibly blessed you are my sister. Pound it.

Yours truly, Goose.

Hi Hay-

As I write these words, I can't help but have tears stream down my cheeks. Once inseparable, now strangers. I think about you, our friendship, and our paths- how they have separated. I could have made more of an effort for our friendship. I don't think I gave it my all, and I let myself be okay with letting it slip from me. I'm grateful we still talk occasionally and especially grateful for the friendship we once had. You pulled me through some of my darkest days, understood my wants and accepted me along with all my faults- which there are thousands. Thank you for that. I love you dearly and miss you.

Love, Kim.

p.s. you just showed up to my house with hot cocoa. Whaaa? hello, Heavenly Father! I have chills. Thank you for surprising me.

Dear Emily,

I think it was 8th grade, and we had a dance class together in middle school at Elk Ridge. I don't remember what was said, and I don't know why I acted the way I did. I just know it wasn't respectful, friendly or acceptable in any way. I know you reached out to me to be a friend and I turned you down. Shame on my 12 year old self, because I would never, ever in a billion years do that again. I remember the day you added me on Facebook, and the only thing that crossed my mind was, 'How could she even want to be my friend?' -Not that Facebook makes you 'friend' official but it touched me because that's what a true friend does. You know? Forgives. You then exceeded the 'true friend' title by commenting sweet compliments on my pictures and status' which made me feel great but almost awful because I had treated you so negatively. I felt undeserving. I'm sorry for my actions, and I want you to know that is not the person I strive to be, and not the person I am. You are a great example to me. Thank you for teaching me how to be a true blue friend to everyone.

All my heart, Kimberly.

Kiki-

I remember coming to your house to pick you up for my birthday party, and I was upset because you weren't holding my gift. I don't know what the heck came over me that day, but I've always thought about it, shamefully every birthday- to this day. My mom held me tight by the arm and pulled me into her room to teach me a very valuable lesson. -Do not be that greedy person everyone hates.- Let me just tell you I've had some karma with that, so its come back ten fold and I deserve every bit of it. I know that day I apologized to you, but its still been on my mind for years and I think the only way to get past it, is for you to know that I truly am sorry. I'll never forget our summer days, laughing hysterically at the gamecube, and making home videos. Thank you for those amazing memories, you made childhood fun and adventurous. Love you.

xoxo, Kimi.

Roggie and Paul-

All I can say is, I don't know how I will ever, EVER repay you for all the things you have done for me. You both have carried me on my darkest of days, and have always dropped original plans to save me from mine that have fallen through. Your giving is endless, and I hope that I have that instilled in me just like you two do. You're like my second parents, my second home, my go-to on the toughest of nights. Some day, paul, I'm going to become a 'Betty Crocker' just like you. Thank you for teaching me your ways and spoiling me with your love. I hope some day I can give all of that back to you, whether it be through cheesecake filled strawberries, or a simple hug. I love you both dearly and would not know the priesthood, or motherhood without the two of you. Thank you, both, for you two are a beaming light in my life.

x's and o's. -Kimi.

Hello, Aunt Tori-

To one of the most selfless people with the largest of hearts, thank you. You've taken my mom in just as a sister should in a time of need and I can't tell you how much that means to a daughter. I watch you and your example and I, without a doubt, would do the same for Staci. I know you would walk through fire for my mom, and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how strong your bond is with her. As an older sister to Staci, I look up to you a ton as being the best older sister a girl could ever ask for. I know mom feels this way, and you should know how appreciated you are. You're one of a kind and I couldn't ask for a better aunt. 

Love always, Kimi Sue.

Bug-

I want you to know that you are the reason I exercise my faith. I want you to know that you are not forgotten as an older sister or a friend. I want you to know that no matter the trials we go through, I will always be your sister and will always want to be a part of your life. Things haven't always been the easiest between the two of us, but maybe that's what makes it great. If it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it. I look up to you.. constantly- as a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister. Growing up, I'm pretty sure I asked dad every Friday if you were coming over. I LIVED for those weekends you came down. I wanted to talk with you, play with you, dress like you, heck! even BE you!! We have a lot of differences but that is what makes life so beautiful. I love you, think of you daily, and still think to myself, 'what would bug do?' I'm grateful for you and Ty. You're honest and bold. Even though I'm sensitive to it… at the end of the day I'm more than grateful you show me that. 

Love you sis.

Hey Cas,

Life sure has put you through some loops, but you continually strive to come out right back on top. Like I've told you before, your ability to forgive others and move on with a true passion in your heart is remarkable. It is truly Christlike and I envy that in you. I believe its grown with you throughout all your trials and heartaches. You sure do know how to make some good lemon aid when life throws you those lemons. Thank you for all the payless shopping days, pea fights- 'cuz lets face it.. they're disgusting, and random text messages for that reassurance that I am loved. You're a great mother, and fearless leader. 

'Love your face.'

Dearest Abbi,

I don't even know where to begin with yours, little lady. I don't know what it is about you… I'm pretty sure you have a radar, because every time you have given me a letter I have been struggling with something. I know, without a doubt, Heavenly Father is listening to my prayers and sends the sweetest messages my ways. You are one of them. I want you to know how thankful I am for your example, your love of life no matter the trials, and your friendship. You are beautiful, selfless, kind, courageous, brave, wonderful, and everything in between. You have touched my heart and I have kept every letter, and read those uplifting words often. I love you. Thank you for your friendship and your un-reaching example.

LoveLoveLove. Kim.

Last but definitely not least…. 

Rinney- my little lady,

The words I have to express for you and about you are just overwhelming. I've never met anyone so caring, selfless, loving, and heartwarming as you. You are truly a breath of fresh air rinne. The brightest light on my darkest of days, and the bestest of friends any girl could ever ask for. I love our adventures, I love your advice, I love your thoughts, I love your generosity, I just love you. I appreciate you. I've learned the most from you. You're the strongest of women and I envy you for it. Thank you for being my best friend, and showing me how to love myself so I can love others. You're extraordinary. I love you dearly.

Forever&Always- Bff. 

I'm sure there will be more times in my life where I will make mistakes, or not do my best at showing others how much I truly care for them. This has changed me, and that was the point. You all have changed me- I aspire to be like every single one of you in so many different ways. I can't thank you enough. 

My heart has now exploded so I need to go pick it up.

As always…

xo. k.