Happy HD.

Because, why not? Happy Hump day to you all. 

xo. k.

Lucky to have you.

There is something to be said about a sister missionary. It seems as though we just expect the boys to leave… because that's simply the Lord's will. For a woman, to leave on a mission, there is a certain amount of strength and courage. For the one above she has added an extra 6 months for the reuniting of her missionary. -That strength is insane. I've prayed, pondered, prayed, asked for advice, and prayed some more about serving a mission, and I never really felt like I could have the strength to do it. When I lived in New York, there was one night I went knocking door to door with the sister missionaries from my ward. It was cold, snowy, and full of tears. We probably hit… 3 neighborhoods full of "No's." "Don't ever come back here's." "I already have my religion, so I don't need your's." -and so on. My heart was shattered. That was then I knew I just couldn't handle it, but there are thousands that can, and the admiration I have for every single one of them is outrageous. I love all you gals that serve the Lord and his amazing Gospel. Thank you for your sacrifices, your strength, and courage.

Sister Terry, the country of Argentina is SO lucky to have you. 

Obvi. ;)

God Bless.

xo.

Something I had to do.

Have you ever wanted to apologize for something you did years ago… but like, its been so long that you don't want those feelings to resurface and maybe that other person has forgiven you for an unspoken apology? But you realize that its not fair to them, and the only way to go on is to voice why your actions were so negative and heart broken? Or maybe your heart is just so heavy that you can't even fathom going another day without showing your gratitude?

That's me lately.

I'm talking… like years ago when I was 8 all the way up through high school. This might be cowardess of me.. (is that a word?) but I came up with this amazing idea. The idea that writing is usually my only outlet for my feelings, so why not write these people a letter? Then they can have the option to shred it and still hate me for life, or keep it and accept the kind person I have become. Let's all pray that its the second option. Now every letter is not an apology… but a few will be because I just can't move on with my life knowing that I have done someone wrong. This is a 'New Years Resolution' of sorts… -I'm not all about new years resolutions because I believe in making tiny goals daily; I tend to accomplish them and feel like they have turned into one big goal, and I feel better about myself. -That is a personal opinion, so please don't be offended, I will be your biggest cheerleader if you love those big resolutions.- 

Kinda being a hypocrite… but oh well. sue me. 

So, the other half of my idea, was to put part of those letters I have written on here. Names and ALL. Then when they receive their letter, they can feel even more special! 

*crosses fingers… praying this works.*

Here we go. (In no special order.)

Hey Mama-

Remember that day when we were re-doing our computer room, putting carpet in? We had to take all the vents off, and then suddenly… all of my fluoride poured out of one of them? -I'm talkin' bottles of it. Yeah anyways… I'm sorry I never ate my fluoride. For the record, I can't complain about my pearly whites. They turned out pretty decent. Aside from my disobeying, you've taught me how to be strong, sensitive, hard working, compassionate, charitable, and christlike. Thank you for giving me life, and for all your sound advice. It's never failed me. I trust your every word, and love you dearly.

Love, Reebs.

Dear Mr. Awesome,

Who else would I be talking to besides my wonderful Father? Thank you for your positive attitude in life. Life sure has gotten you down throughout the years, but you seem to know just exactly how to pull yourself back up without the help of others. I admire your strength and love for anyone who has struggled, you're the first to be called because you always have the best words of comfort. I'm sorry I stopped hugging you before I left for my day of school/ work. -No worries because that's going to be starting as of today. You are SO loved, and never alone.

Love, your hawaiian.

My Bean-

I recall a time when I was struggling with my self esteem, my confidence, my outer appearance… you were trying to console me and I lost my patience with you and became very short with responses. I want you to know I am sorry and that was never my intentions. Beauty truly lies within the soul, and my soul was very ugly towards you that day… which makes me ashamed. Thank you for trying to lift me when I was at my lowest point. Thank you for your kind words and acknowledging my feelings. I have set a goal to make it a point to see how you are daily, because it is important to me. I love you and I'm incredibly blessed you are my sister. Pound it.

Yours truly, Goose.

Hi Hay-

As I write these words, I can't help but have tears stream down my cheeks. Once inseparable, now strangers. I think about you, our friendship, and our paths- how they have separated. I could have made more of an effort for our friendship. I don't think I gave it my all, and I let myself be okay with letting it slip from me. I'm grateful we still talk occasionally and especially grateful for the friendship we once had. You pulled me through some of my darkest days, understood my wants and accepted me along with all my faults- which there are thousands. Thank you for that. I love you dearly and miss you.

Love, Kim.

p.s. you just showed up to my house with hot cocoa. Whaaa? hello, Heavenly Father! I have chills. Thank you for surprising me.

Dear Emily,

I think it was 8th grade, and we had a dance class together in middle school at Elk Ridge. I don't remember what was said, and I don't know why I acted the way I did. I just know it wasn't respectful, friendly or acceptable in any way. I know you reached out to me to be a friend and I turned you down. Shame on my 12 year old self, because I would never, ever in a billion years do that again. I remember the day you added me on Facebook, and the only thing that crossed my mind was, 'How could she even want to be my friend?' -Not that Facebook makes you 'friend' official but it touched me because that's what a true friend does. You know? Forgives. You then exceeded the 'true friend' title by commenting sweet compliments on my pictures and status' which made me feel great but almost awful because I had treated you so negatively. I felt undeserving. I'm sorry for my actions, and I want you to know that is not the person I strive to be, and not the person I am. You are a great example to me. Thank you for teaching me how to be a true blue friend to everyone.

All my heart, Kimberly.

Kiki-

I remember coming to your house to pick you up for my birthday party, and I was upset because you weren't holding my gift. I don't know what the heck came over me that day, but I've always thought about it, shamefully every birthday- to this day. My mom held me tight by the arm and pulled me into her room to teach me a very valuable lesson. -Do not be that greedy person everyone hates.- Let me just tell you I've had some karma with that, so its come back ten fold and I deserve every bit of it. I know that day I apologized to you, but its still been on my mind for years and I think the only way to get past it, is for you to know that I truly am sorry. I'll never forget our summer days, laughing hysterically at the gamecube, and making home videos. Thank you for those amazing memories, you made childhood fun and adventurous. Love you.

xoxo, Kimi.

Roggie and Paul-

All I can say is, I don't know how I will ever, EVER repay you for all the things you have done for me. You both have carried me on my darkest of days, and have always dropped original plans to save me from mine that have fallen through. Your giving is endless, and I hope that I have that instilled in me just like you two do. You're like my second parents, my second home, my go-to on the toughest of nights. Some day, paul, I'm going to become a 'Betty Crocker' just like you. Thank you for teaching me your ways and spoiling me with your love. I hope some day I can give all of that back to you, whether it be through cheesecake filled strawberries, or a simple hug. I love you both dearly and would not know the priesthood, or motherhood without the two of you. Thank you, both, for you two are a beaming light in my life.

x's and o's. -Kimi.

Hello, Aunt Tori-

To one of the most selfless people with the largest of hearts, thank you. You've taken my mom in just as a sister should in a time of need and I can't tell you how much that means to a daughter. I watch you and your example and I, without a doubt, would do the same for Staci. I know you would walk through fire for my mom, and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about how strong your bond is with her. As an older sister to Staci, I look up to you a ton as being the best older sister a girl could ever ask for. I know mom feels this way, and you should know how appreciated you are. You're one of a kind and I couldn't ask for a better aunt. 

Love always, Kimi Sue.

Bug-

I want you to know that you are the reason I exercise my faith. I want you to know that you are not forgotten as an older sister or a friend. I want you to know that no matter the trials we go through, I will always be your sister and will always want to be a part of your life. Things haven't always been the easiest between the two of us, but maybe that's what makes it great. If it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it. I look up to you.. constantly- as a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister. Growing up, I'm pretty sure I asked dad every Friday if you were coming over. I LIVED for those weekends you came down. I wanted to talk with you, play with you, dress like you, heck! even BE you!! We have a lot of differences but that is what makes life so beautiful. I love you, think of you daily, and still think to myself, 'what would bug do?' I'm grateful for you and Ty. You're honest and bold. Even though I'm sensitive to it… at the end of the day I'm more than grateful you show me that. 

Love you sis.

Hey Cas,

Life sure has put you through some loops, but you continually strive to come out right back on top. Like I've told you before, your ability to forgive others and move on with a true passion in your heart is remarkable. It is truly Christlike and I envy that in you. I believe its grown with you throughout all your trials and heartaches. You sure do know how to make some good lemon aid when life throws you those lemons. Thank you for all the payless shopping days, pea fights- 'cuz lets face it.. they're disgusting, and random text messages for that reassurance that I am loved. You're a great mother, and fearless leader. 

'Love your face.'

Dearest Abbi,

I don't even know where to begin with yours, little lady. I don't know what it is about you… I'm pretty sure you have a radar, because every time you have given me a letter I have been struggling with something. I know, without a doubt, Heavenly Father is listening to my prayers and sends the sweetest messages my ways. You are one of them. I want you to know how thankful I am for your example, your love of life no matter the trials, and your friendship. You are beautiful, selfless, kind, courageous, brave, wonderful, and everything in between. You have touched my heart and I have kept every letter, and read those uplifting words often. I love you. Thank you for your friendship and your un-reaching example.

LoveLoveLove. Kim.

Last but definitely not least…. 

Rinney- my little lady,

The words I have to express for you and about you are just overwhelming. I've never met anyone so caring, selfless, loving, and heartwarming as you. You are truly a breath of fresh air rinne. The brightest light on my darkest of days, and the bestest of friends any girl could ever ask for. I love our adventures, I love your advice, I love your thoughts, I love your generosity, I just love you. I appreciate you. I've learned the most from you. You're the strongest of women and I envy you for it. Thank you for being my best friend, and showing me how to love myself so I can love others. You're extraordinary. I love you dearly.

Forever&Always- Bff. 

I'm sure there will be more times in my life where I will make mistakes, or not do my best at showing others how much I truly care for them. This has changed me, and that was the point. You all have changed me- I aspire to be like every single one of you in so many different ways. I can't thank you enough. 

My heart has now exploded so I need to go pick it up.

As always…

xo. k. 

This is me.

This is me.
Senior year of high school.
Acne.
Tear welled eyes.
Crooked teeth.
Bad, Bad haircut.
Currently single- a couple months ago he had shattered my heart. Not once, not twice, but countless times.
Timid.
Zero confidence/ Self esteem.
Scared that I might see him & her, together… this picture day.

-Because pictures tell a story, I feel like I can elaborate on mine… trust me, it's been a long time coming.
It's been a long time because I think I was too afraid, but recently the strength has been exploding out of me. -Not because I need to be heard, only so I can see MY progress.

When I started sophomore year of high school I was bubbly, outgoing, confident.. I pretty much could take on the entire world because I was on top of it.

Those qualities and characteristics were ripped from me only a year later. Not because of his words… but because I LET him. I listened to him.. and the worst part is, I believed every. single . word. For 3 years. "And… Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind & we both cried, because when you're 15 and someone tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them."- Take it from Taylor because that's the only way I can think of how to write it.-

Shame on me.

There is something to be said about verbal/ physical abuse, and its that they leave psychological wounds that never heal.

Whore.
Slut.
B****.
C***.
Worthless.
Unworthy of anyone's love.
Bawl baby.
Tool.
Weak.
Unsuccessful.
A nothing. A nobody.

The list goes on.

Now, shame on the 17 year old 'me' because I believed every word and was at my lowest point. Some days I wish I could rewind and tell myself what I know now. But most of the time I'm grateful because I wouldn't be right here. Right now.

Graduated high school.
Graduated College.
Photographer.
Friend.
Worth Something.
A somebody.
Successful.
A daughter of God worthy of every ounce of love he gives me.
Kind.
Loving.
Sensitive. a lot sensitive.
Strong.
Classy.
Intelligent.
Biggest heart.
Beautiful.
Free spirited.

I am not only writing this to view my progress but I've had a rough end to 2013 and sort of a rocky beginning of 2014. From losing a loved one, and just simply trying to find my place in the world.
-Because its huge.

I am not sure why, but I thought that in order to become successful you HAD to work in the medical field. There was just no if, and's, or but's, about it. I wasted a semester of school with a medical biology class that literally sucked the life out of me, and then I received my certification as a dental assistant shortly after. I got a job before I even graduated... by which I no longer work at, I gave it a month and decided I couldn't stand working in a 'high school' type of environment. -take that one as you will.- I already went through high school… not about to do it again at the age of 23.

Every morning I woke up aching for my camera. Aching for the sun. Aching for my freedom. Aching for where my heart belonged. I let that first list really get the best of me after I quit the dental office. I was definitely a nobody, unsuccessful, worthless, a quitter. I believed him. Again.

Is that really what I was though? Really?

Ever since my Grandpa passed in November.. I really tore myself down. My anxiety was at an all time high, the stress was shooting through my roof, my tears were a constant, patience had FLOWN out the window, and feelings were suppressed. The only person who truly understood me, and I mean truly, truly… was my Heavenly Father. Prayer quickly became an hourly thing rather than a morning/ night thing. I needed some serious saving from this repetitive negative outlook I had on myself.

So here I am. It took me 2 months to write this post. I was going through so many emotions, I wanted to make sure I had all of them and my progress packed into one post. I know my worth, I know my strengths, I know my talents, I know my courage, and most importantly… I know I'm loved. 

I don't want to get all "inspirational speaker" on you now, because I am far from that… but if you are lacking in the confidence area…

Take a leap.
Believe in yourself.
You can do it.

Especially if I can.

I promise.

xo. k.

p.s. I definitely just finished this post off with a Dunford chocolate donut. Party :)

Tiny Moments.

Often we get caught up in our day to day lives. Work, school, work… more school. Sometimes being caught up in your daily schedule throws you off balance or distracts you from those tiny moments that mean the most.

For instance:

1. I am not a very affectionate person. I love my bubble, my safe haven, my normal. I know I'm so weird, but I think I trained myself to be okay with being in love with my bubble and personal space. While, Austin, is thee complete opposite. Constantly asking for a kiss, pulling me into him... No matter the place, holds my hands no matter how freezing they are, (like right now, he is watching tennis as my legs drape over his lap... Looks over at me and grabs my hand • the struggle is real trying to type with one hand on my iPhone •) and that was probably the longest side sentence you'll ever read in your life! Congrats!  My point is that I'm grateful for his love and that he is re teaching me how to be more like a girl, so take that as you will. Ha ;)

2. I'm constantly cold… I have the circulation of, lets say, NOT a penguin or a polar bear because I'm freezing literally in 70 degree weather. Long story short, because I clearly get side tracked and have to be as detailed as possible, Aust wrapped me up in 2 huge blankets… not knowing one of them belonged to his 4 year old brother. Life gets devastating when someone steals your blankie. Sam came down and politely asked me if he could have his blanket back, I didn't need two so I gave it back to him. In his excitement and rush back up the stairs, he tripped on the blanket and starting crying. Austin dropped everything he was doing to come to his rescue. My heart literally melted. I watched him run to the end of the stairs and pick up this tiny body and care for him. "Where does it hurt, Sam? I will make it feel better." I almost cried. He's such a gentle giant, even if he thinks he's just tough. -Don't worry babe, I won't tell anyone you cried while watching, "Saving Mr. Banks."-

3. Today, I had the hardest day at work. It just was so busy, I worked a double, and seemed like everyone I helped was grumpy no matter how big my smile was. I was discouraged, worn out, exhausted in various ways. As soon as that big hand hit 4 p.m. I was sprinting out those doors, excited for a night free from wrist banding people, memberships, and the never ending ringing telephone. Aust and I hardly see each other and I couldn't wait for his arms to wrap around me and feel that scheduled kiss on my forehead. We made our way to his basement most likely to watch espn. •I'm still trying to learn to love it, and it's been 5 years... Bless his heart, his patience is never ending• we sat down on the couch and he kept the tv off to listen about my day, not because I asked him to but because he could tell in my death grip hug that I was dying for some saving, does that make sense? Anyway... I was desperately waving a white flag. He listened to me vent and has been holding me ever since. As we lay here, and no matter how much he wants to chop my hair off, I'll never forget the feeling of him twisting my locks through his fingers. It calmed me down in a way.

4. Every Monday morning I watch this elderly couple come into the fitness center and do their routine. 

-Be prepared to just have your heart melt- Their names: Kenneth & Karen. This is the couple you dream to be when you're 80 years old. Kenneth drives his little truck right up in front of the doors so that Karen doesn't have to walk too far in the cold. Once he drops her off, she waits for him by the doors so they can check in together. This particular Monday, Karen watched me as I helped a patron named, Theresa. She started shouting, "Donna!! Donna!!" In hopes that Theresa would turn around. I looked at Theresa and said, "I think she is trying to talk to you." and I pointed to Karen. Theresa, "Are you talking to me?" Karen, walking as fast as she could realized as she got closer that it was not her friend, Donna. Karen apologized and hugged Theresa and said, "I thought you were my friend, Donna, but that's okay! We can be friends now too!" and continued by introducing herself. An instant friendship was made. Kenneth walked up to my computer and scanned his card, as well as his wife's, and they walked in together to start their exercise. Kenneth always tells me to keep smiling because it's like sunshine. I wish I could ask them to be my grandparents. Maybe next Monday.

5. On my way into jamba juice today a car whistled at me. Still unsure if it was their horn, or just a super cool sound system in their car. The point is that it made me laugh, and I needed that.

I have so many other simple moments but this would be a novel by the time I was finished. I just felt like I needed to share these few that I can't stop thinking about because they have changed my perspective on life and how to live it.

What are your tiny moments? 

xo.k.

New year... New blog name?

I've been meaning to change my blog address for awhile now, and I finally got a day off to do it! I thought that it would be nice to put a nice close to 2013 and retire "sweet moments," or how you've usually seen it, "stnemomteews." 

You've read from the most bitter of times to the most sweetest and that's why I called it that... Because in the end, no matter how hard life is, it always ends up sweet and in the ways you NEED it rather than ways that you WANT it.

So hello, 2014! And welcome to, "thoughts of a sweet king." Now you know my last name... Eep. Welcome to my life ;) 

If you're new to reading my adventures, and want to be friends... Here are a few things about me:

1. I love all things sparkly, chocolaty, and pink. (Not necessarily in that order)

2. My Nikon opens my eyes up to the most beautiful things in this world and helps remind me of my best memories. I've been to 8 countries in the last 2 years and that little guy has not left my side. 

3. There's this boy.. • I met him when I was 18 • and he has managed to steal my heart, what a turd right? ;) 5 years in May, and that my friends, blows my freakin mind. 

4. My parents are incredible. I've never met 2 more hard working individuals in my life. ~ pound it.

5. My little sister... I'd die without her. I don't even know how I lived 7 years of my life without her.

"Your brain has the shell on it." 

I could go on but I'd rather talk about experiences I've had, and how I've learned from them.

Thanks for stopping by, I hope you stay awhile ;) 

xo. K. 

Freakin' Free Willy.

For Christmas Austin's family was kind enough to take my sister and I on a 15 day cruise with them. We went to 5 different countries and our ship was amazing. I don't think I have ever been so tan in my life. Our first stop was in Aruba, its by far my most favorite beach. The water was turquoise and the sand was white.. ah it's so breathtaking, pictures do not do justice. Plus we had the coolest party bus ever. Loudest music, no windows, and graffiti all over it. 

We then stopped in Columbia, the birds and monkeys were everywhere. Staci is going to school to be a veterinarian so she was talking about what birds liked and disliked… she said they dislike the color red,  not knowing this fact and not knowing we were going to run into a zoo of birds I of course wore a red dress that day.. so I was panicking getting those close up's of the little stinkers. I do have to say that I held one and he loved me :) he climbed right up on my shoulder. We also fed the little monkeys some oranges, they come right up to you, its insane.

We then stopped in Costa Rica. We boogie boarded and Stac taught herself how to surf, I acted like a proud mom watching her. It was a black sand beach and it was scorching hot and sticky. If you've never boogie boarded and its on your bucket list… do it. but wear a t-shirt. The material of the board mixing with the ocean water creates super sore nipples… poor boys. -Sorry for the inappropriateness… but you will thank me later. promise. ;)

Then we stopped in Nicaragua and rode those horse buggies… probably the most exhilarating thing of my entire life. Austin's dad stands over 6 feet and his brothers are big buff athletes, so while they climbed into their little buggies the driver maybe lasted 5 minutes. They were all 10 times the size of the taxi drivers… next thing we know I turn around and Austin's dad and brothers are driving the buggies because the taxi drivers couldn't handle it. Hilarious. Our plans that day were to go on a zip line. The majority of the group rode up on horses, while Staci, Austin's parents and I rode up in a jeep.

Then our last stop was in Cabo. This memory definitely goes in my top ten most amazing things I've ever seen in my life. We took a catamaran out to go snorkeling and whale watch. This was one of mine and Staci's goals… we just had to see one. We were on our way back to the cruise ship and our boat drivers pointed to where the whale was so we slow down and I'm frantically looking, all of a sudden a huge blast of water shoots away from the surface… I couldn't believe my eyes. THEN… I saw its tale and I died inside, my heart was pounding. Two minutes later this whale comes shooting out of the ocean like freakin' free willy. No joke. I was screaming, clapping, jumping, talking in whale like Dori… just every emotion you can imagine. Best way to end our trip.

I loved it and couldn't be more thankful to Austin and his family. I am incredibly blessed. I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. I love you guys.

xo. k.